remixed
by moon strut
Summary: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the story of how Romeo and Tybalt ran into the sunset and lived a happily gay life together. —sasuke


**the label: **remixed  
**the owner: **thefreakwithrice  
**the lovers: **Sasuke & Sakura  
**the dedication: **lovely readers & reviewers  
**the inspiration: **it literally just hit me like a Calculus text book  
**the disclaimer: **(insert same old, generic, over-used disclaimer here)  
**the notes: **Ah, yes, how could I focus on work when I have an urge to write a crack-filled one-shot. You know how I'm addicted to crack. And if you didn't, then now you know.

Feel free to just press the back button or the nice little 'X' at the corner of your screen, I don't mind. You could go crazy from reading something so mental.

This idea also came with an image of me and Mads doin' crack together in one of the display tents in Wal-Mart. Believe it.  
No really.

Don't ask. It'll save a LOT of trouble.

* * *

I'm not exactly what you would call, a 'good noodle.' No, because I. Am. Lazy. Why do you think Shikamaru and I hang out so much?

Mmhmm. And it's not 'cause he actually brings lunches and I don't. And they're damn good lunches at that. And he usually shares them with me, too! Such a great friend he is. Or... well, I kinda sorta make him share them with me. 'Cause I'm a bully. That's what he says anyway.

Oh, you poor, poor thing, Shikamaru, getting bullied by a little girl with pink hair.

We usually eat them together in our fifth period class. Why we don't eat it during lunch? Easy. It's 'cause eating takes your mind off of studies. So, lunches would go to waste if you eat it during a _free _period. Uh huh, 'cause we're smart like that. Oh yeah, envy me. Now you're wondering why you didn't think of that before, right? And you're probably thinking to yourself, "Stupid betch, our teachers would catch us."

Ah, now that's where you're supposed to be ninja about it. Now, lemme tell you the rules of eating during class. First-

"Oi, Sakura."

"Mmwha?" I excessively turn my head towards the interruption to my inner sanctuary of my private thoughts, that I like to call, Shikamaru. Oh he will get it in time... But he provides me with my daily dose of sandwiches that I cannot live without.

"Your speech never fails to amaze me." He drawls out lazily.

"You're not cut out for sarcasm, Shika." He rolls his eyes. "What could you possibly want now? Oh, and next time, could you use turkey in mine? It's better than ham." I ask, grabbing one of his sandwiches. The boy needs to stop tempting me by bringing two each time. Seriously.

"Oi, Sakura!" He calls again in a whisper. I sigh angrily.

"What now-" I squeak as I now see what he wanted to tell me. So much for being ninja.

"Miss Haruno, do tell me what you are doing with a... ham sandwich in my class?" I look from him to my sandwich and back again.

"Well... It looks a lot like I'm eating it, Kakashi." I answer with a huge grin. Oh yeah, inside my inner sanctuary of private thoughts, I am so doing a victory dance.

"That's Hatake-sensei to you, and please put that away."

"Or else what..?... Kakashi." I know for a fact that my sweet innocent smile is annoying the hell out of him right now.

"Or else I'll give you a worse punishment than detention after school."

"What could possibly be worse than another play date with you, Kakashi?" I've had so many detentions, I practically know every detail of how he likes his coffee and his special doughnut.

"You'll see, since you're so curious to find out. After school, in the auditorium." This is where my curiosity really DOES kick in. Curse my nature to be naïve.

-

The auditorium is one of the largest buildings on campus. It's where all the drama happens. Literally. The drama club/classes perform here. I think it's all a load of bull. I hate acting. I only know how to be me, myself, and I. Wow, that sounded really selfish.

"Please, have a seat, Miss Haruno, and let us begin." What do you know? It's Kakashi himself. And now, I wonder what he has in store for us this fine afternoon.

"As you all know, you are here because you've all been what we like to call, 'bad apples.'" A hand shoots up from the seat in front of me. Kakashi sighs and rolls his eye. "Yes, Lee?"

"I was here because I wanted to be, sir!" The blond girl, Ino, sitting next to him scoffs.

"You actually chose to be here?"

"_Anyway... _we are here today, because as punishment for your behavior, you are all going to star in a play." My eyes snap wide open. Crazy perverted teacher say what?!?

"Wait- I thought this was cooking club!" Naruto suddenly stands up and attempts to escape. Unfortunately, Kakashi cock blocks his way.

"Sit. Down. Naruto. You know _exactly _why you are here. You ALL know why you are here. We are going to do Romeo & Juliet." Squeal, squeal, squeal is all I hear. Ew, that is the most horrible play to do. They talk all funny and dress weird and it's so filled with teenage angst and suicide.

"No. No, no, no. I am not doing this." Is that a hint of a smirk behind that mask of his? Kakashi only stares at me with amusement.

"Maybe you should have thought of that when you were eating in my class."

"Come ON, it was just a sandwich!" Man, I want go cry under my blanket, and scream at my mom to go away when she tries to comfort me like in those shows.

"I'll be choosing your roles for you. List will be up tomorrow." Eff my life, man.

-

Guess what? I have a part with Sasuke. Not that I care. You know what part it is? Guess. I bet your thinkin' it's the kissing scene and the dramatical suicide scene, right? Well, you're wrong. I got a fight scene with him. And you know what else? He kills me. This is totally bull shit. He gets Romeo and I get... Tybalt. The angry cousin of Juliet, who is played by the Queen B herself, Karin.

Turns out, not enough guys were 'bad apples' so I had to fill in for a guy's part. As well as the unimportant fight-starters in the beginning with (shudder) Lee. Him and his eyebrows.

Why me? I have pink hair and they expect me to play a guy?! This was all Kakashi's doing. I know it. That old bastard. It's not fair. Ino gets to play Juliet's nurse! Shoulda made Naruto Tybalt or something, but NOOO. He's playing Mercutio, who ever that is.

We got some outside help from the drama club. Looks like the majority is girls (probably because of Sasuke), so some girls are stuck playing men's roles.

It can't possibly get worse than this, right?

Oh but it does. The entire student body is to watch this play. Attendance is absolutely mandatory. This is where I wave good-bye to my dignity.

-

**3 weeks later**

"Okay, ladies and gentlemen. Tonight's the night. Go out there and make me proud!" Kakashi tries to encourage us.

"Yeah."

"Sure."

"What ever.."

"Uh huh."

"Gotcha."

"Hnn."

"I WILL make you proud, sir!"

Kakashi sighs at his only spirited response. "Alright, Lee..."

The curtain opens and Kakashi signals for my cue. Before going out, I stop to think. I smile a devious smile. Oh, I'll get that Kakashi. I'll show him what a REAL play is. Cue evil laughter here.

"Go already!" And I get pushed out with Naruto. I turn around and glare at him.

"Ow!" I mouth angrily but grin sweetly at Naruto.

We bump into the Montagues at a fruit stand. This is where my plan gets put into action.

"If it isn't the Capulets." One of them say. The other bites his thumb at us and snickers.

I stare with my mouth open, pretending to be offended. Moving my head around in a circle, I sass, "Oh no you di-n't!"

They look back at each other, confused but go along with it. "Oh yes we di-id!"

Naruto grabs an orange and stares at it before casually throwing it at one of their heads.

"Ow!"

And this, is where I tackle them. Oh yes, I used to play foot ball. And might I say, I've got a mean sack.

The crowd gasps, and I see Kakashi back stage, shocked speechless.

-

You thought it was over there, but you were wrong. Because I had SO much more in store for Kakashi.

Like the party scene where Juliet meets Romeo for the first time:

- had an insult battle with 'Juliet' and punched her square in the face, right when she was about to kiss Romeo. And I may have yelled, "That's my man, bitch!"

The balcony scene with Romeo and Juliet:

- threw oranges at them when they were about to kiss, with help from my new buddy, Naruto, yelling, "OMFG, it's raining oranges!" Kakashi fainted around this time.

Fight scene between Tybalt and Romeo:

- yelled, "I love you, Romeo! Forget about my slutty cousin!" and ran back stage soon after.

When Romeo was banished:

- yelled, "Don't leave me, Romeo! Take me with you!" earning several strange stares from 'Romeo.'

And of course, the last kissing scene:

- pushed away Juliet and the platform she laid on, and gave a thumbs up to the crowd, in which they returned with loud cheers. Not to mention, Romeo, who had committed suicide, got up, and kissed me, Tybalt, right then and there.

The crowd likes me better than the original. Obviously. And it seems like Sasuke does too.

To Kakashi: THAT, is why you don't mess with a girl, and her sandwich.

To Karin: HA! Enough said.

And this is the story of how Romeo and Tybalt ran into the sunset and lived a happily gay life together.

-

_fin

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A/N: Ah, now wasn't that crackish? I'm surprised you actually read it and lasted to this AN. Well, take your time to tell me your thoughts.

Reviews for the poor please (: Aren't I cute?


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